Soul Searching
by Melinda the Proud Bookworm
Summary: My entry for the 'Scene Stealers' contest.  Edward does some soul searching and has an epiphany.  Bella has her own epiphany when they are reunited.  Both slightly OOC.


**Scene Stealers Contest Entry**

**Title: **Soul Searching

**Book and Chapter you are stealing: **New Moon- Chapter 23 'The Truth'

**Penname: **Melinda the Proud Bookworm

**Link to your profile:**

http:/www dot fanfiction dot net/u/1846010/Melinda_the_Proud_Bookworm

**Word Count: **2080

**Rating: **Teen

**Beta: **content1

**Disclaimer: **Characters are property of Stephenie Meyer. I do not claim ownership of anything Twilight, except my obsession and crush on Jasper. I swear, it's not healthy.

**Visit the link below for more entries to the Scene Stealer Contest:**

http:/www dot fanfiction dot net/~scenestealerscontest

Dialogue from New Moon: Page 501-502

_Something cold touched my forehead with the softest pressure._

_I squeezed my eyes more tightly shut. I was still dreaming, it seemed, and it felt abnormally real. I was so close to waking…any second now, and it would be gone._

_But I realized that it felt too real, too real to be good for me. The stone arms I imagined wrapped around me were far too substantial. If I let this go any further, I'd be sorry for it later. With a resigned sigh, I wrenched back my eyelids to dispel the illusion._

~Edward~

I had been watching her for hours. She laid perfectly still, save for the deep breaths she took, the slight flutter of her heartbeat and an occasional grimace taking over her beautiful face.

I ignored the white hot burn in my throat and instead focused on the burn in my chest. My heart would never beat again but right now, it felt like it was racing. I tried to keep my hands to myself, but failed.

Every heartbreaking grimace that graced her face made my heart clench. I had no choice but to comfort her. I stroked my fingertips along her arms, cheeks, fingers or forehead each time she scrunched her face up in pain.

It seemed to work. She always calmed immediately and I watched in wonder as her face would relax.

She was still so beautiful. She looked exactly the same, but at the same time, so different. My vampire mind took in all the changes in her physical appearance. She seemed to be about fifteen pounds lighter. Her cheeks and eyes had sunk into her face, causing dark shadows to appear. Her lips were chapped and had multiple cuts. Her perfect forehead was marred by a new scar. She looked unhealthy, like a ghost.

I thought back to my time away.

I had tried my hand at tracking Victoria but she seemed to have an unnatural ability to escape. She always seemed three steps ahead of me, leaving false trails, clues that pointed the wrong direction, and she had been very careful not to feed on humans that would be missed.

I had given up after following a false lead to Brazil…on the search…on life. . Eventually, I found an abandoned building and climbed up to the attic to run out my miserable existence.

I shut down every function I had control over. I stopped breathing and kept my eyes firmly closed. I tried to stop thinking about her. I tried to ignore the memories of her lips on mine, her scent, her laugh and smile. I failed, miserably..

I hadn't fed in just over a month and the thirst burned like the fires of the change in my throat. I welcomed the pain. It was my penance. It was my price to pay, my cross to bear.

I will always remember the day it happened…the day that changed my life. A young couple walked by the building I had closed myself in. At first I didn't pay much attention. Their internal and spoken voices blended in with the throbbing noise in my skull. They were both thinking about the sermon they had heard in church earlier in the week.

_Love is a miracle that happens deep in the soul. Love is eternal and does not die with the man, but lives on in his soul for eternity._

My brain stopped for just a moment before starting again, working faster than ever before. Love comes from the soul? Vampires were thought to be soulless monsters, but we were capable of love. Which was correct? Were we the exception, capable of soulless love?

My thoughts were interrupted by a buzzing sound I vaguely recognized. My phone. I glanced at the caller id and was shocked to see it was Rosalie calling. I hit ignore and went back to my soul searching.

I thought about Bella, my family, my music, my life. I had loved many things and many people. I had experienced joy, pain, loss, heartbreak, contentment, and peace. It seemed unlikely that a soulless creature could experience so much. I was flabbergasted. I was shocked. I was…_amazed. I was hopeful?_

The phone continued to buzz intermittently but it no longer registered in my mind. Finally, after my realization, it occurred to me to answer the phone and schedule a flight home. Just as I flipped my phone open it buzzed again and I was connected to Rosalie.

She sounded smug and even happy as she delivered the news of Bella's suicide. I couldn't believe that Bella would kill herself. She was supposed to move on. She was supposed to say yes to someone and fall in love again. I had been so wrong.

I flipped my phone back open and called the number I had sworn to never call again. I called Bella's house. I had to prove Rosalie's sick joke wrong. She was _lying_. She _had_ to be.

An unfamiliar male voice answered the phone. I mimicked my father's voice and asked for Chief Swan. The man turned cold and hateful. He verified Rosalie's story. Chief Swan was at Bella's funeral.

I no longer registered joy or peace, only misery and emptiness. With my new found knowledge, I knew I had a chance of seeing Bella again. So I did something I hadn't done in decades, something I hadn't done since my human life.

I prayed.

I shifted to my knees and clasped my hands together over my heart. I felt that it was appropriate to humble myself before God and confess my sins before asking for anything.

"Father in Heaven, I know I'm not worthy of your blessings after the way I've lived my life. I am deeply sorry for all the pain I've caused in this life. I am fully aware that every human life I took was precious and I'll forever be sorry."

"I didn't know that I had a soul. I didn't understand. I know now that you would never forsake me, never abandon me. I know now that you would never stop loving me. I am so sorry that it took so long to understand that."

"Please, God, when I die, I need to see my Bella. If I am found unworthy of Heaven I will understand. I just need to see her, to hold her for a moment, to know that she will be taken care of. I need to know she can be happy in Heaven."

"I won't ask for forgiveness for my sins, I do not deserve it. I only ask that Bella receives the eternity she deserves. I love her, forever. Amen."

I stood, ready to embrace my fate. Suicide for a vampire was difficult, but not impossible. I would need help. I opened my phone and called the airport. Instead of a flight to Seattle, as I had originally planned, I booked a flight to Italy.

My memories were interrupted by Bella's light sniff. Her face scrunched up again into that pained grimace. I ran my fingers softly along her forehead to soothe away the creases in her delicate skin, then wrapped my cold arms around her. Her heartbeat and breathing changed slightly. Her face shifted into a slight smile before shifting into a deep frown. She was waking up.

Now was the time to share with her my new knowledge. Now was the time to beg her forgiveness. Now was the time to offer her my heart and soul. This would be our new beginning.

She shifted slightly, scrunching her beautiful face again as she opened her eyes.

"Oh!" she gasped as her hands fisted over her eyes. She only had her eyes closed for a moment before she opened them again and met my gaze.

"Did I frighten you?" I whispered to her as I stared into her beautiful melted chocolate brown eyes. She continued to stare at me with a slightly blank look on her face before starting to blink her eyes rapidly.

"Oh, _crap_."

Her words surprised me. "What's wrong, Bella?"

Her face and voice were anxious. "I'm dead, right? I did drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

I frowned, "You're not dead."

She raised her eyebrows, "Then why am I not waking up?"

She thought she was dreaming? Did she believe that her time in Italy had been a dream as well? I tried to assure her, "You _are_ awake, Bella."

She didn't believe me. "Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. _ If_ I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake…"

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare." She smiled grimly. "Bella, you are awake. We are here, in your bedroom in Forks, together. We just returned from Italy. You saved my life."

Her blush was beautiful. I had missed the beautiful pink of her flushed skin. Her eyes turned glassy as they filled with tears.

I took another deep breath. The fire in my throat was like an inferno but it felt amazing. The burn told me she was alive and here with me.

"Bella, I need to explain some things to you. I didn't leave because I stopped loving you. I left _because_ I love you. I left to protect you from my world. I never believed you could love me the way I loved you."

Her face was a mix of hope and pain. She needed to understand.

"Bella, I hoped that you would move on and fall in love again. I was so wrong. I understand now that our love is eternal and amazing. I'm so sorry I doubted you."

She started to sob as she buried her face into her hands. I reached out to stroke her hair. She leaned into my chest and clutched her fists into my shirt.

"Edward, I missed you so much. I love you, so much. I need to be with you, forever."

I rejoiced at her words. "Bella, I was on my way back to you when Rosalie called to tell me the news of your death. I was trying to arrange a flight home. But I learned something while I was away…I have a soul. I was so wrong before…I didn't understand.

She gasped. "Edward, do you really believe that?"

I smiled. "Yes, I really do. I heard a young couple discussing a sermon they heard in church. It amazed me to hear their thoughts. '_Love is a miracle that happens deep in the soul. Love is eternal and does not die with the man, but lives on in his soul for eternity.'_"

She stared into my black eyes as she pondered my words. Finally, she smiled. "Oh, Edward. That is so amazing. I always knew you had a soul. How could you not? You are an amazing man with so much capacity to love. I'm so happy for you, Edward."

"Bella, love, do you still want eternity with me?"

"More than anything in the world. I would never be satisfied with one lifetime with you. You are my soul, my life, my future. Will you change me?" She seemed nervous.

"Yes, I want nothing more than to spend eternity with you. We should wait until after graduation and we can use college as a cover. What do you think?"

"No. Not after graduation. After our _wedding_. I want to be everything; your wife, your lover, your partner, your mate. I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine in, every way." She stated firmly.

I was shocked. She wanted to _marry_ me. I felt my heart explode with happiness. She would be my wife. We would have an eternity together.

I rose and stood at the side of her bed, before lowering myself to one knee and pulling out the ring I'd carried with me for months. I held it up to her and watched the joy spread across her face. Her heart was racing as she held out her left hand for me to slide the ring onto her finger.

I had thought about the words I would say thousands of times, but none of them seemed to fit the moment. I simply said, "Please, love. Be mine for eternity?"

She accepted the ring and knelt down in front of me. "Yes, Edward. Always, yes. Forever."

~The End~

AN- This was my first time writing an outtake, missing scene, etc. and my first time entering a contest. I came in last place but I'm thrilled. I completed something I set out to do and had both positive and negative reviews. It felt great to see something of mine out there like that.

I know that these characters are slightly out of character, especially Bella at the end, but I'm happy with them. Please leave a review and tell me if you love, hate, like or whatever.

Thanks to April for your help. Couldn't have done it without you.


End file.
